


Scaled

by cruisedirector, CyberMum



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Canon, Bestiality, F/M, Poetry, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-02
Updated: 2002-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:33:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruisedirector/pseuds/cruisedirector, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyberMum/pseuds/CyberMum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naughty words. Sex with salamanders. Clunker rhymes. Spoilers for "Threshold."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scaled

There once was a Captain named Kate  
Who wouldn't boink with her first mate.  
She explained her decision  
Was a Star Trek tradition -  
Only men in the 'Fleet copulate.

The Powers That Be do dictate  
That the only thing that Captain Kate  
Should be able to do  
(In lieu of a screw)  
Is go off somewhere and masturbate.

But this tale is one of fan fiction  
And therefore it has no restrictions  
Of libidinous thoughts  
Or even "the hots"  
And other sexual predilections.

When Tom Paris decided to try  
Warp 10 in the Delta Quad sky,  
He transformed overnight  
Into a sad sight  
That the Doctor could not rectify.

He'd morphed into quite a reptile  
Uglier than a large crocodile  
And he wanted a date  
With whom he could mate  
To take with him into exile.

"Oh Captain" he hissed, "come on hither..."  
And she gave him a look that would wither  
A toad or a snake  
Or even a rake,  
But he couldn't resist her cute slither.

Cried Chakotay, "Now Tom you unhand her -  
She's mine even when salamander."  
He tried talking tough  
He tried to be rough  
But she still wouldn't "do" the commander.

"Chakotay, now if you invite me  
While suggesting that you could delight me  
With your animal guide,  
I'll say, come on inside,  
But if you think I'll shed for you - bite me!"

Janeway's virtue Chakotay assailed  
But somehow she couldn't be nailed.  
As a matter of fact  
She wanted to act -  
The problem was how she was scaled.

When he saw that the issue was armor  
(Rather than his own failure to charm her)  
In the heat of desire,  
His phaser did fire,  
Which really did wonders to warm her.

Our Kathryn was no prima donna  
Especially now she was fauna:  
She lowered her guard  
He hoist his petard  
It was the Night of the Iguana.

And everything would have been bliss  
To the final grunt from the first kiss,  
If they'd just stopped to shut  
The viewscreen by his butt...  
A sight none of the crew could now miss!

Tuvok's eyebrows did upwardly raise,  
Harry's innocent face was ablaze,  
B'Elanna and Doc  
And Seven did gawk,  
And Paris their technique did appraise...

But Neelix was happy to see  
His commanding officers' glee.  
So he raided the fridge  
And popped onto the bridge  
With popcorn and leola root tea.

So the Captain and first mate did screw  
Until their faces turned blue,  
Demonstrated their passion  
In spectacular fashion  
In full sight of Voyager's crew.

This description I know is quite graphic,  
It might be construed pornographic,  
Which is so sad you see  
For The Powers That Be  
Are not into my own demographic.

So if they can't screw in prime-time  
(That might be a Trekkean crime)  
We'll just have to make do  
With a couplet or two  
And let them go at it in rhyme.


End file.
